Oh frail creature you’ve done it again, again are you maligned frazzled ransacked and unsound You’ve not done the research You’ve lost the thread It is better to be alone than admired by a liar And yes, I say admired because he doesn’t love you and he is incapable of love but Lord has he tried He thinks he has He’s done his best Forgive him but he must go; get him out
Will you consider please for one minute You don’t need anything more than Yourself Your God and your lip balm Don’t be the solution to someone else’s problem
I didn’t write a poem yesterday I spent the entirety of Sunday night awake I was in unrelenting oain I probably should see a doctor I slept most of Tuesday until it was time for work I had some obligations to catch up on I always put my writing last I am literally just writing whatever I’m thinking right now Which is not really a poem I am going through the motions I am “doing the work” I am getting something out Which really is half of life, isn’t it Doing whatever you have to do Until you do it beautifully Sorry you had to watch the sausage get made
I am in constant pain It never ends It sometimes abates It shifts to new places Just when I think an old pain is done a new one takes its place or it comes back Since I was 7 years old always the pain
I challenge the pain “Fight me, you coward,” I yell at it. It is the nerves, you see. They are overly alert. There are medications for this. They make me stupid.
I challenge the pain. “You are a record of something that is done! Get over yourself! Get lost! Get out!”
The pain grins at me from behind a rib From atop my ankle From beneath my scapula From deep inside my guts “I remember everything,” it sneers.
“You are just creating drama,” I sneer back, as I hand it to God.
There is tremendous appeal in the cloistered life A life focused on Christ alone where petty daily worldliness cannot creep in Where the Things of this age dissolve into distant memory never to trouble one again And the simple Truth of Love is before you always
But would I be able to take a cat?
Are we allowed to bring moisturizer? My skin gets so dry
How do I give this Love to people when I am shut in somewhere? It hurts all the time but I cannot stop giving it Like a poked bruise Love will not be silenced
It’s different But is it friendship It is companionship But is it love It’s all business and it’s not pleasure It’s all listening but never leaving It’s all secrets and sometimes laughter But never a laugh It’s all the work and seldom wonder And never wander It is limited and liminal
I can’t be your therapist if you never pay me But I mean we know me It’s okay
Princess of Swords 