Best. Weekend. EVAR.

The following overheard statements were made between 7:30 PM PST Oct 1, 2010 & 8:30 AM PST Oct 3, 2010. Context is unnecessary. I might have said a couple of these.

“You’re still here?! At 3:30?!”

“The balloons will float up to comfort all the little dead babies in heaven.”

“I’m Nathan Fillion.” “I know.”

“Jen Jarvis! It’s Jen Jarvis that’s your friend! Dammit, she’s gone.”

“Do you know who Jason Ritter is? Could you go find him for me?”

“I’ve been doing this for 15 years. That guy is a professional party crasher.” “And also? A douche.”

“You mess with Bailey, you get a team of crazy bitches going Sarah Walker on your ass.”

“You have cloves? I love you! What’s your name?”

“I’m too drunk for this conversation.” [Yet she remembered her organic chem like a pro.]

“Does he always ask you a ton of questions? ‘Cos I don’t like that.”

“What are you doing?” “I’m digesting.” “You look like you’re grabbing boobs.”

“How are you doing that without hitting anything or anyone?”

[man with a thick Russian accent] “I’m Karen.” “You are?” “Yes, I am Karen & I’m also press.” “Well, I can assure you that you aren’t Karen & also no press are allowed here.”

“You are a highly rugged, tall, manly guy!”

“I like reading for sluts.”

“And this is Kelliejane. Like you, she also hates people.”

“These Red Vines are awfully moist.”

“This chair is moist. Damn.”

“Everything in the back outside was moist, which is funny cos Moist was there!”

“That’s the cast of ‘Outsourced’! I should ask ’em if they like Bollywood.”

“Oh my God, we’re Those Girls at the party.” “There’s 400 people here. We can’t be the only Those Girls here.” “Fuck it. I like being Those Girls.” [all burst into Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”]

“The N and the D on that NERD shirt are a little deformed now.” “Dude, Wendy’s hitting on me again.”

“Is that Kanye?” “DUDE. They don’t ALL look alike!” “Not the guy, the music!”

“Now that we’ve all touched Amanda’s nipples…”

“Sir, what’s your last name?” “I’m talking on a cell phone.”

“I can assure you, sir, that you are not Adam Baldwin.”

“That’s amazing! You’re the third Adam Ensler that’s shown up tonight!”

“I come back to this conversation only to hear ‘Babies are cancer’?! JEEZ.”

“Your cigarette is backwards, sweetie.” “Aww, thank you! You’re incredible!”

“Go lick yourself.”

“This cookie is salty.” “It’s vegan.” “Aww, crap.”

“Jason Ritter & I are apparently BFFs right now. I have no idea how that happened.”

“You should go as YoSafBridge for Halloween!” “Well, then I can’t go as Jayne.” “Why not? They never had sex.” “Oh, in MY head they did.”

“Hey, at least OUR football stadium has bathrooms!”

“I’ve turned into a pumpkin.”

*happy happy happy…*