A while back I wrote something about how we are all the trapped German sewer rat, resisting salvation because we literally do not understand that we are being helped. And like most advice-givers, I sort of tucked that little nugget, given in my great beneficence to You People, unheeded by myself at all because I am an unadulterated moron, into the back of my head to be unearthed later in the presence of darling younger persons in need of my guidance.
I am, as I said, an unadulterated moron.
The other day, I was sitting & the cat wished to be held by me for approximately 2.7 milliseconds. Having exceeded this parameter, he then attempted to remove my face while also caught on my sleeve with his little needle claw. I tried to extract his claw so I could set him down gently, which redoubled his intent to slice my face off & wear it like a mask. Dear gentle reader, I am ashamed to say I dropped my cat unceremoniously on the floor (he was fine).
Rather than yell at him, I said, “You are a jerk. I was just trying to help you.” And then I said, “I am you!”
I have known for some time now that I am in an intolerable, inequitable situation. Even from a servant’s perspective, this is pretty out-of-bounds bad. I kept excusing it, though, coming up with perfectly reasonable & charitable excuses for the behaviour of all involved, until I realized how it might sound if described to a priest. And then it suddenly seemed so clear.
This is the result of prayer. I don’t ask for a lot anymore, except when you ask me to pray for your mom or brother or coworker or whomever. Instead I ask to be lead, to be a channel of God’s peace. To be a light.
After all, you can’t be a halfway decent spiritual director if you suck at taking direction yourself. So you’ve got to keep the channel open to the Holy Spirit all the time.
I then had a very strange series of experiences with Alexa and classical music that made me pay special attention to my dream last night. Upon waking, the dream made absolutely no sense to me until just this minute, when the thing I dreamed started continuing in real life (but without Ramona Singer from Real Housewives of NYC, a dream stand-in for someone I know).
To be fair, the dream still doesn’t entirely make sense & the continuation of its plot in my waking life makes almost no sense at all, except that it’s clear God is up to something. And I’m supposed to be paying attention.
The one thing I’ve learned over the years is that the moment things get beyond even my imagination weird, the Spirit is at work. And when the Spirit is at work, you’ve got to be ready to jump.
Attachment is the snare of the Enemy.
Princess of Swords 