Endless comedy

This is a terrible trait to have, especially in Los Angeles, but I find people who take themselves seriously & think of themselves as very important as inconceivably funny.

Especially if they are earnest about it. I would never survive Washington, D.C. 

If I’m in a CVS & I saw you get out of a Bentley & you are wearing Jimmy Choos & you have those nails that make it impossible to lead a pragmatic life style & you are arguing with someone who makes $11 an hour about a coupon, you are hilarious.

If you cut in front of a large Latino family trying to get a table for 10 to celebrate their kids’ graduation at a family restaurant in Woodland Hills because you were a guest star on 6 episodes of “Rockford Files,” I cannot stop laughing at you.

If you want to move your cancer surgeries around because you want to play golf on a particular day but you can’t be bothered to dictate properly so you can get your claims paid, you might as well cart me to the morgue, because I’m dead.

And then there’s the fame people. I wait until the last possible second to tell anybody anything about me, because listening to people talk at you reveals who they are. Personal information is a weapon. If you think you are a huge big deal because you once did publicity for three Nickelodeon stars, & that somehow I should be impressed by that, I see no reason to pop your delightful bubble of delusion. You are amusing forever.

Tell me you raised 3 kids, rescue cats, are the sacristan at your church, do homeless outreach, know sign language, or can bake gluten free pies? Then I’m impressed.

But, no, seriously, I want to hear more about the time you were on an elevator with Selena Gomez & she said she liked your shoes. Do go on.



Do No Harm: Why Televised Rehab Isn’t

Most people have never been famous, but nearly everyone has suffered psychological discomfort, or knows someone who has. In an attempt to explain the iatrogenic effects of televised therapy, I’m going to ask you to empathize with a subset of patients most people envy: celebrities.

Inherent in all psychological trauma is the belief that nobody understands you and no one can help you. Seeking treatment is a brave step as it requires you to reach beyond traditional support systems (family, friends, church), whom you believe to have failed you, in order to share your darkest fears with a professional stranger.

The comfort and safety of confidentiality and privacy are the cornerstone of all therapeutic interactions. Whether you’re seeing your doctor for a suspicious lump, a substance abuse counselor for meth addiction, AA to overcome alcohol, or even a peer crisis counselor, your expectation of privacy and safe space are so integral to successful treatment that it is codified into pretty much every government, corporate, & non-profit regulatory structure. It is drummed into practitioners in med school and psychology classes. It is a condition of joining a 12 step program. It is sworn to uphold before certification for peer counseling. It is punishable by law when violated in the United States via HIPAA and state licensing boards.

Of course, in the United States we also have release of liability forms. You know, just in case someone who is replacing love with fame needs to up their exposure on national television.

Confidentiality is integral to seeking & sticking with successful treatment. Few people would visit the doctor if they had to announce they had rectal bleeding to the waiting room. No one wants to admit they have scary thoughts or were sexually assaulted in the public square. Even people who choose to share their stories on Oprah usually have gone through a successful course of treatment. They are well now & can consent to speaking publicly about their troubles & recovery without interfering with their health.

This changes when we ask people who are barely able to function outside of a live-in treatment facility to sign a waiver allowing cameras to follow their recovery. The “celebrities” who join such programs not only have issues with addiction to substances or feelings; they also are desperate to get back in the public eye. They are in need of work as they’re low on funds. Many would sell their soul to get back on TV. Does this sound like a healthy, fully informed decision to you?

Much of the reason these people are no longer working is their substance addiction, but while lack of jobs and money may make it difficult to obtain anything that will make them feel better, it does not decrease the drive. For the fame addict, being back on TV is part of the high. Putting them back on TV is as bad as giving them more booze, more speed, more food, more meaningless sex.

Fame is a poor substitute for stable, loving relationships. For many of these people, stable loving relationships are as alien as paparazzi & red carpets are to us. How are they to overcome all their addictions (& the issues addiction masks) if one of those addictions is being fed? How are they to learn normal human interaction if their every move, tear, & breakdown is being filmed?

It is not possible to give informed consent to camera coverage when you are not well. It is not responsible therapeutic technique to take confidentiality, privacy, & safe spaces away. Dr. Drew Pinsky (among others) either doesn’t understand this, or does & chooses to ignore it.

Either way, would you trust him to help you?