You Want To Believe

If you’re not an X-Files fan…wtf are you reading my blog for? Get lost, you fricken’ heathen!

Er…wait, no, I promised I was going to stop starting my posts by alienating 90% of my readers. So…yah.

Eh hem. I shall start over.

If you’re not an X-Files fan, you don’t “get” the title, so I shall explain. Mulder, the FBI agent played by David Duchovny (God, I feel like I’m talking to an immigrant who lived under a 40 ton slab of rubble for the past 20 years) believed in space aliens for reasons that would spoil the whole series for you, so Netflix it. He believed in “little green men”, & he had a now infamous poster in his office that said “I want to believe.”

You want to believe, sweet & scrummy reader, in big green climate crisis, as is evidenced by the wigfest occuring online at the moment regarding what I really enjoy calling Climatequiddick. In case you’ve been living under a 40 ton slab of rubble for the past couple of weeks, some scaliwag hacked into a big central database thingy full of cooked climate books & interesting back-&-forths between climate scientists. What’s now generally believed by everybody who’s even had a passing glance at these puppies is that a lot of what has been sold to us as pressing & tragic is actually very much a numbers game & attempt to package a concept in such a way as to inspire ardor, fear, & acceptance of massive government encroachment on kinda like…everything.

But you want to believe! My friends & the bloggers I follow who dare post the links to the scandalous documents get lambasted. It is very reminscent, to my mind, of the Spanish Inquisition. People who dare question the validity of anthropomorphic climate warming science are, without any evidence, but lots of invectives, slammed in the manner of “Heretic! Heretic! Confess!” It’s kinda religious, peeps. Just a little bit. Kinda a lotta bit, actually.

*I’m so tempted to type “aksh” but that’s SO valley.*

Anyhow. Here’s my thing. It’s clear we’ve done things to our environment, much as a beaver gnaws away a ton of trees & dumps it in a river & kind of messes everything up for the fish below. Unless you are that tribe from The Simpsons, the beaver is not your enemy. However, you hate us. We made plastic & cars & we plow down rain forests. Yeah, we’ve been kind of lackadaisical with God’s green Earth & that was a bit silly & pretty jerkypants. We obviously need to do some replanting & we certainly need to stop tossing things out the car window. That’s just ick.

However, there is a good chance that we are not doing much of anything to the temperature, and then we get evidence that temperature decline is being actively concealed. You would think people would want to look into that for their own selves, but they don’t. Instead, they kinda want to freak. Nowhere is this more apparent than on Twitter right now, because Adam Baldwin is on Twitter. I follow him, as do over 9,500 other people, many of whom I also follow. Since people are only just starting to sort out that he’s a little on the conservative side (heh heh), many superlefties are still following him, & I get to see their comments to him. Rather than post counter arguments & counter studies, they just…yell. Or make condescending sad face remarks. This is something I’ve noticed liberals do when they get butt hurt period, actually, but that’s beside the point.

What strikes me over & over is the ‘religious’ fervour of the mockery & derisiveness. This is the same fervour, remember, that atheists also reserve for those of us who believe in God (or any higher being). Oh yeah, if an atheist ever gets in your face stating that you are wrong for believing in God because that makes you prone to proseletyzing, you make sure you laugh good & long, ok?

So anyhow, today our friend Mr. Baldwin posted a blog on this very topic, with facts & everything! & I posted a response (which apparently needs to be approved, even though I didn’t use any swear words or anything, really!):

“I just had a thought. Don’t laugh; it’s not nice. Ok, a little is understandable.

So we’re getting all secular & it makes it easier to feel smart & sciency & progressive, right? But we have this big gaping hole in our mealy little souls & we want to fill it, but it’s got to be filled with smart & sciency facts, right? So…is that why AGW is the new religion? The responses you’ve gotten on Twitter from some are very “A witch! Burn him!” so I’m kinda thinking religion, as you’ve put forth before with the Crichton videos.

But we can’t just take up any old religion, no. The religion has to be real. We have to see it. There must be empirical, sensible evidence (kinda). We can see smog. We can note the dearth of rain forest (as compared to before). We tut tut every time we see a plastic shopping bag go floating across the highway. These are all modern day anti-miracles, & they are proof that we’ve done something awfully wrong to the Lord Our God, who is…a giant thing we live on & will kill us all if we don’t treat it right. This is all very Old Testament, secular smartipantses!

And there will even be a *FLOOD* if we don’t repent!

I have more wild analogies, but I’ll go take them to my blog. No sense cluttering up yours.”

So. More wild analogies.

In the beginning, God created the Heaven & the Earth. They were good. They were pristine. Utterly loaded with bugs, so not pristine in a way any of us really likes. But that’s what nature is, loaded with bugs (read PJ O’Roarke’s Holidays in Hell). Then we came, took from the forbidden apple tree, processed the apples with high fructose corn syrup, plowed half the garden to build a factory, & mass produced Fruity Apple Like Product. We got fat, developed diabetes, and then God smote us with vascular disease.

We really want God to love us again. We will do anything to make God love us again. And God had a prophet called Al. He came with an Oscar winning film, even! And although things said in that film & also said by him subsequently turned out to be iffy & sometimes downright crazy talk (the Earth’s core is NOT millions of degrees), we are totally into this prophet. He’s offering us a way, many ways to make God happy, stop the flood. The government will even foist ways to make God happy upon us, so we don’t even have to think about it. YAYZ!

You know what?

Just don’t be stupid. Really. I mean, how hard is that? Don’t live like a jerk.

That’s how you make God, whatever your God is, happy. You don’t need the government telling you how to make God happy. You do your own thang, child. The market is currently catering to your religion, so go for it! Invest in your future. Your beliefs are trendy, and therefore, you can worship fashionably, stimulate the economy, and be a big fat selfish American at the same time without having to let on that you really enjoy it. Because a religion through which you can buy salvation really is about ease & comfort & not a whole heck of a lot of sacrifice.

That would require effort. Real faith. And true belief.