Because I Have To

I am only writing something tonight because Richard messaged me earlier today & told me he likes these. Nothing happened today, but I like Richard & want him to be happy.


This font is not comforting.

Really the only thing I can disclose from my day is that I returned to Target & it was not awful this time. Both my contacts & new glasses should be here in 7-10 days.

I ate delicious leftovers, watched Blacklist (which featured a truly delicious Ressler & Tom fight) & now I’m here. I don’t hurt very much, but my muscles are being very odd. I think my ankle wants to pop out again.

 Many wonderful things occurred that a few of us are chalking up to the work of God. For two weeks, a group of us have been praying & lighting candles for a friend’s cousin & another friend’s child. Today, the cousin (in a coma, not expected to live) woke up, & the child’s biopsy was good news.
When prayer is answered, as y’all know, I am not surprised. This does not dull my delight at the good news one whit. It’s like tracking a package & then the package gets here. God hears us.

I don’t pray for Him to subvert His will, but I do tell Him what I would like for that person, or their family, then add the legal caveat that He knows better & He probably already had something fabulous planned.

When I lose someone, I have to ask “Please help me to grieve properly. I am a robot & it comes out sideways & you know I suck at this feelings crap.” 

I’ve had to do this twice this year. Each time, something amazing happened. The Sunday after the Horrible Wednesday when my aunt, friend, & cat Persephone died, I had not slept. I got dressed & went to the early Mass & lit candles & prayed & sobbed, openly, in front of people. If you know me, you are stunned. This is not a thing I do. Our Deacon & Canon gave me big hugs & talked to me. I went home feeling more at peace.

When Neil died recently, I did not sob the Sunday after (I had done most of my sobbing & wailing at home that week). But I went to High Mass & two of my church friends who knew came to me & gave me great hugs. Christopher just looked at me & knew. Ed came & sat in the pew & reached over. Poor Ed had recently lost his mother, but he was empathizing with me over my cat. Both gestures were so kind & comforting. My church family is amazing.

My online prayer family is also amazing. We don’t all agree on denominations or who is the Son of God even, but we heed the call to prayer & go cuckoo bananas. For years, I have joined with friends of all faiths in prayer & seen amazing results. You believe what you want; I believe in outstanding medical care & miracles.

I guess today was actually pretty eventful after all.


One thought on “Because I Have To

  1. Thank you for doing this. There’s just something generally… rightworking-feeling about seeing you write. It being out in the world, I mean.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s