From Twitter, because well meaning people caught snippets & have given terrible responses, ignoring or avoiding the whole picture. And because I should be honest & explain to y’all that the fierceness you ascribe to me is not only hard-won, but you can have it, too. If I can, really, anyone can. Cos Jesus is good like that.
“Lord, I need your help, bad. My friends don’t get it cos like a dumbass I’ve given them the impression that I’m fine.
In short, my father was a monster & I have tried to piece “normal” together from whatever felt like the opposite of evil.
Subsequently my “normal” is a patchwork of directives from professionals & people who seem well meaning, probably.
When I was 17 a psychiatrist told me I showed amazing resilience by still being alive. This is why y’all think I’m “inspiring”. Resilience.
Resilience = I refuse to die. It may cross my mind on an almost daily basis, but I refuse to die. God has a plan for me. Fuck if I know it.
I just keep trying to be ready for God’s plan. Sometimes that’s hard. He must want me on some Special Forces team. Well, bring it.
It’s better to be Audrey Horne than Laura Palmer. But let’s face it, Audrey Horne is not all there.”
As it turns out, I’m in a prodromal migraine phase, which explains why my resilience has failed over the past couple days. Seriously, you guys, if it wasn’t for the Lord’s loving guidance and patience, I would have been dead long ago. I pray you never know what that means or how it feels.
You can do everything through Christ who gives you strength. That is a fact. I’m living proof. Beefcake.