My Twitter timeline is filled with people lamenting the end of the shuttle era, with no space program in sight to replace it.
You guys keep forgetting that Area 51 houses the nigh miraculous Space Barge, that will safely transport important Americans from Earth. Inexplicably, persons on that list include Tim Pawlenty & Bravo Andy.
The Space Barge is powered with a combination of Keystone Light & children’s wishes. The United States Science Corps has been working on this secret formula since 1977, when it was learned the Russians were *this* close to a vodka-powered wormhole generator. Thankfully for the US space program, Russians drink vodka, but nobody drinks Keystone Light. And children’s wishes remain our most potent natural resource.
President Obama has promised that the Space Barge program is also supplemented by the truly astounding matter transmogrification program, which to Star Trek fans would seem much like a transporter. The President has bravely volunteered to test this himself, which is why he is now frequently late to his own press briefings. It is not…perfected.
You know what? I can’t even keep this up any more. I’m too pissed off. Yes, Bush ended the shuttle program, but Obama scrapped a replacement. So now what?
Please vote for someone who gives a damn about American ingenuity in 2012, America. You want jobs? LET’S INVENT SOMETHING. Spring up an industry. Nobody has any ideas? Seriously?
Update: Please see Chris Barnhart’s comments below for NASA’s private sector developments. There’s hope at the end of an era.