If someone broke into your house, would you call the police?
You bet your sweet arse. If you came home from work one day to find your front door had been jimmied, your darling Precious Moments “Home Is Where The Hugs Are” wreath on the ground, your newspaper trampled, to find a guy in your house going through your jewelry, your paperwork, ganking your electronics or even just drinking your last beer standing over the open fridge, you would be pissed. And dialing 911.
You would, wouldn’t you? You would not say to the guy, “Hey, you had the gumption & ingenuity to break into my house. You are a freakin’ badass, and it’s my great honour now to not only let you finish my last beer, but also to stay in my guest room, use my towels, eat my food, watch TV as long as you like, and all you have to do is some gardening. What say you, Awesome Burglary Guy of Uncanny Cunning and Perspicacity? Oh, that’s too long. I’ll just call you Lucky Larcenist for short. You rule, LL!” Then fist bump him?
Fuck no, you would not.
So, gentle reader full of piss and vinegar, why do you hate Arizona for calling the cops? And that isn’t even really what they’re doing. They’re saying, “Hey, if we find somebody committing a crime, we’re going to check their citizenship status. Two birds, one stone!” See, in my ignorance I thought the United States already did that. Hence I carry my green card everywhere with me as I was advised by Homeland Security. I’m so naive & law abiding! Stupid girl.
Imagine my shock to learn that my lefty friends were gittin’ all up in arms, boycotting Arizona Tea (which is funny because it has utterly no affiliation with AZ whatsoever) because Arizona is now doing something I figured this country already had the right to do. So I looked at the law to see what was so unfair, why the President wishes to monitor it, and see if it’s true that Arizona is full of horrible racist schmucks who ought never to drink commercially brewed iced tea products ever again. So here is the law:
Arizona Immigration Law SB 1070 states:
For any lawful contact made by a law enforcement official or agency of this state or a county, city, town or other political subdivision of this state where reasonable suspicion exists that the person is an alien who is unlawfully present in the United States, a reasonable attempt shall be made, when practicable, to determine the immigration status of the person.
(There is some additional information & analysis here.)
HUH?! This is what you are pissed off about? If an officer approaches a person lawfully, they are to check the immigration status of that person…and…um. My God! From the hullabaloo online I thought maybe the police were going into people’s homes with billyclubs & whacking anyone over the head that might be wearing leiderhosen or a turban or listening to Shakira, or, in my case, still saying things like “Oi! There’s a penguin on the telly!”
I am deeply interested to know what the problem is. Please comment below. Because any analysis I see done by anybody who has a freaking clue in hell how the Constitution works doesn’t seem to be particularly bothered by this law. People in other countries seem flabbergasted that the US doesn’t have land mines & razor wire over every square inch of the border after 9/11. Tried sneaking into North Korea lately? Why is no one coming down on North Koreans for their blatant racism?
And that’s the crazy thing about this argument. So many are crying “racism”, like they do, which is interesting because, as many before me have pointed out, “illegal” is not a race. If you are assigning a specific race to that, that’s your boat to float, sister, not mine. However, since you’ve decided “Mexico” is a race, let’s look at it. Mexico’s immigration laws take into consideration your impact on the cultural character of the nation. So if you want to immigrate to Mexico & start a leftist commune, you better start learning regional dishes & customs & don’t you dare lump all Mexican cuisine & tradition into one category (like so many do). And God forbid you be Cuban. What, you didn’t realize not all Latino peoples are the SAME? Yeah, a lot of them hate being called Latino, too. Most folks prefer you ask.
I’ve also worked quite closely with illegal immigrants (or, as we call them in medicine, undocumented). Those folks make sure their bills are paid on time, as they naively believe that if they don’t, they will be sent back from whence they came–which apparently is not true, maybe not even in Arizona. They are, in my experience, extremely pleasant & hard working, and it’s my sincere wish that they go through the process so they can stay. In medicine of course we are not allowed to disclose their status.
No, I’m not a citizen either, but I am here in the US as a permanent resident. That’s like living with you instead of marrying you, but if you pop the question I might say yes. I’d still kind of like to date England, though, even though England is sleeping with Europe (or rather, Europe is bending England over nightly). The point is, I’m staying in your house but you are getting all the benefits of a live-in girlfriend with none of the responsibility of marriage. For example, I do your laundry & contribute to the grocery bill, but you get to say who’s in charge. I’m a sub, basically.
The guy who broke into your house is just taking stuff. If you can convince him you won’t call the police, he might do some gardening or watch your kids, in which case the guy who came here legally & did all the work to get here is not getting a chance to do that for you. You are also driving the legal guy’s salary down, as you are paying the burglar a pittance. If you want more people to come, clamour for relaxation of the immigration process, not for the boycotting of an entire state who is just trying to sort of enforce laws already on the books.
But by all means, if you are so terrified of being called a racist that you don’t want to support the enforcement of America’s laws, do not call the police the next time someone breaks into your house. That would, after all, be classist. The poor guy clearly doesn’t have as much as you have, so breaking into your home is only fair. You should let him move in, & also subsidize his entire existence. Kind of like a slave, huh?
If you are not willing to do that, please rethink your histrionic response.
And if you can’t in any way see how your response might be histrionic, and instead are just irritated with me, please enjoy this, from whence the title of this blog comes. I’ll never leave you without a little sugar, baby. You are, after all, letting me pay to live in your house.